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SAI-NATIONAL.ORG SUMMER 2015 PAN PIPES 13 overwhelming stress. Some of the skills of self-compassion are listed in the sidebar accompanying this article. It's easier than you think; you've been doing it all along for others. Perhaps you can start by talking to yourself, sympathetically, like this: I'm here for you. I'm so sorry it's difficult right now. Everyone hurts like this sometimes. I love myself. I love myself even if I messed up. I don't want Me to hurt. I deserve kindness from myself no matter what. I'm going to take a minute now to go deep inside to feel that place where I am pure Goodness. Or say whatever is soothing and comforting to you. At first it may feel awkward to talk to yourself this way, but with practice, it feels … well, wonderful. When my clients learn to talk to themselves with self-compassion, the results are visible right in front of me. eir bodies relax. ey breathe deeper. e stress that only minutes ago tightened their face simply vanishes, replaced by soness, clarity, tranquility, and sometimes a big bright smile. ey report feeling hope and confidence whereas only minutes before, they were filled with despair and frustration. I invite you to flood yourself with self-compassion right now. Recognize your fragility and pain. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Feel your connection to humanity. And when you finish reading this article, your more authentic, more loving self will touch everyone around you for days to come, and you will make a difference in the world, starting with yourself. Copyright 2014 Helen Spielman, reprinted with permission. First published in Overtones, e Journal of the World Flute Society, November 2014. Much of the information in this article is taken from or adapted from the books and seminars of Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer with gratitude. Helen Spielman is a performance coach whose passion is to help musicians maximize their highest potential on stage. She teaches positive self-talk for performance, self- compassion, the alleviation of perfectionism and worry about others' approval, concentration, and consistent performance. Helen works with musicians, moms, and business executives internationally via Phone and Skype. She is an Honorary Member of SAI. Her popular book A Flute in My Refrigerator: Celebrating a Life in Music is selling prestissimo and is available on Amazon as well as at flute specialty stores. A percentage of its proceeds goes to SAI Philanthropies. Please visit PerformConfidently. com for more information. A FEW SKILLS FOR DEVELOPING SELF-COMPASSION • Take the free Self-Compassion Scale at self-compassion.org. • Learn to use positive self-talk. • Develop a self-compassion mantra. For example: "I'm having a really hard time right now. Everyone feels this way sometimes. I am now holding my pain with tenderness. I give myself compassion." "It's painful for me to feel this. Suffering is part of life. I now treat myself gently and lovingly. I find ways to talk to myself and treat myself compassionately." • Keep a self-compassion journal. Try to keep a journal for a week to three months. e longer you keep it up, the deeper the changes you will notice. You can include in your journal: How you may have criticized yourself during the day and how that made you feel, without judging yourself (mindfulness). Gentle, caring, hopeful, reassuring words, reminders of the love inside you (kindness). How your experience connected you to the larger human experience; how your humanity means being imperfect; how others struggle too (common humanity). • Savor (I call it "wallowing") in your good experiences: anticipate them, be in the moments as they happen, and find ways to make them last longer. ese choices have been shown to enhance joy. • Use self-compassion visualization (see p. 129 of Kristin Neff 's book). BOOKS AND RESOURCES BOOKS Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind by Kristin Neff. e single best book on Self-Compassion by the foremost researcher in the field. Based on research but easily readable and full of insights, information, stories, exercises, and references. Self-Compassion Step by Step: e Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (audio book) by Kristin Neff. Very pricey, but she is wonderful to listen to. e Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive oughts and Emotions by Christopher K. Germer. Another good book with excellent information. Extensive resources in the back. Living with Your Heart Wide Open: How Mindfulness and Compassion Can Free You from Unworthiness, Inadequacy, and Shame by Steve Flowers and Bob Stahl. Provides good information and many meditative practices. Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living by Pema Chodron. A Buddhist perspective. LAO: e LAO Five Paths to Self-Compassion by Larry Tobin and Randy Russell. A short, 60-page, simple but practical book on the topic. Calming Your Anxious Mind: How Mindfulness and Compassion Can Free You from Anxiety, Fear and Panic by Jeff Brantley. 2nd Edition. Excellent book with clear information about anxiety and great meditations as well as how to apply them to fear and worry. WEBSITES self-compassion.org Kristin Neff 's website, with lots of information, research, and where to access her free Self-Compassion Scale. Test your self- compassion now, and again in a few months! MindfulSelfCompassion.org Christopher Germer's website. Lots of information and guided self-compassion meditations. PERFORMANCE PREPARATION ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

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